The sun has no
business shining when I am in agony after my world turned upside down
last night.
How can just a few
minutes change everything?
It's hard enough
losing a beloved animal family member when they are old, sick or
there is reason to anticipate death.
It is unfathomably
unbearable when the death is sudden, unexpected and I am left
powerless to change the outcome, but with ample intellect to question
everything preceding his dying moment.
This written release is a tribute to
Gustav and for myself to bring some type of finality or closure to my
wounds. The crying is uncontrollable and pushed me into
hyperventilation last night. My heart was literally ripped from it's
base, I've lost my footing, my friend and am just barely hanging on
with too many tears pouring down my face.
Gustav pictured above at 4 months,
shortly after he was vaccinated for Parvo, he developed parvo and
spent several months with an Idaho vet. Since I didn't know him
before, I don't know if it was the vaccine heavy metals that damaged
him neurologically or if he was that way to begin with. He was
labeled dangerous and so came to us after his parvo recovery. It was months before the painful intensity of eating diminished, he ate mostly scrambled eggs with goat milk until he healed.
Shortly afterward
he developed severe spinal conditions, his back was always arched
much like a camel, he could only walk on his tip toes and he would
have small rear end seizures.
Months of herbal blends, detoxing, spinal massages and
therapeutic mushrooms brought him a straight top line and he
developed into a super athlete.
The small seizures virtually
eliminated.
Bursting with energy and life he crammed 20 years of
living into the 7.5 years spent on earth.
He was too rough
for the public, too much uncontrolled energy, life was a game, your
feet were a game, other dogs were fun too. Not a mean bone in his
powerful body, but someone could easily come in contact with his huge
smiling face, paws or his unusual, gruff play style that we modified
but couldn't eliminate. Once he relaxed at night, he was a huge,
affectionate licking marshmallow. A kind gentle creature who joined
our indoor permanent crew.
That was just Gustav's 2 speeds, hyper
turbo overdrive or melt onto you and the couch, aka Goo Goo, Gooey,
Good Stuff or The Gustinator
He was my favorite dog of all times.
His days were fun filled outside in the
pasture, next to his best friend Paco, the Peruvian Paso Stallion.
They were physical matched friends, running the fence lines, rolling
or just hanging out with each other on opposite sides of the fence.
Goo also had 3 permanent deer friends,
and up to 7 who would share his pasture. He would observe them and
only boof and bounce if they violated his 25' limit.
This morning they were not in his
pasture for the first time in years, they knew he was gone.
Just before it was time for Gooey to
come in last night he started barking as though he was playing with
Paco, it was an unusual time so after looking out the window and not
seeing him, we raced out just as he launched himself into his Igloo
after warning the Raccoon to leave the area and his food.
The fight only lasted a few minutes
before we could get Goo out. He's had similar encounters a few
times, but not in a couple of years, the raccoons had stayed clear
and he always would encourage them to leave.
As usual no bites, no scratches, not
even limping, just winded. I walked him until he cooled down and
brought him in for dinner of raw bison, Coconut oil, herbs &
veggies. He flopped down onto the floor, had some water and was
still pretty winded/panting. I thoroughly checked him and found no
injuries, tender areas or blood. He'd often run raccoons up a tree and
circle the tree for hours. There was nothing unusual about him or
his behavior last night.
He had a couple of cookies and was
resting a bit before starting his dinner.
We went upstairs to eat
our dinner, I heard him get up, lap a bit more water and plop back
down. After about 10 minutes I didn't hear him go to the couch which
was his normal routine, laying in front of the fireplace and
thoroughly enjoying the moment. I went down to see if there was
anything I could do and found him dead on the kitchen floor where he
always laid.
My world stopped. Our 4 other dogs in the house and both of
us, yet none of us heard a sound. He just silently died sometime
within those 10 minutes when we went upstairs. There was no re-wind, I couldn't turn back the hands of time or change anything. Helpless.
Unbelievable, unthinkable, unbearable
that I'll never, on this earth, again touch his smiling face, or give
his spinal massage, or watch him with his deer, or with his stallion.
Lord Byron's
Epitaph To A Dog
Near this
Spot
are deposited the Remains of one
who possessed Beauty
without Vanity,
Strength without Insolence,
Courage without
Ferocity,
and all the virtues of Man without his Vices.
This
praise, which would be unmeaning Flattery
if inscribed over human
Ashes,
is but a just tribute to the Memory of
BOATSWAIN, a
DOG,
who was born in Newfoundland May 1803
and died at Newstead
Nov. 18, 1808.
When some proud Son of Man
returns to Earth,
Unknown by Glory, but upheld by Birth,
The
sculptor’s art exhausts the pomp of woe,
And storied urns record
who rests below.When all is done, upon the Tomb is
seen,
Not what he was, but what he should have been.
But the poor Dog, in life the
firmest friend,
The first to welcome, foremost to defend,
Whose
honest heart is still his Master’s own,
Who labours, fights,
lives, breathes for him alone,
Unhonoured falls, unnoticed all his
worth,
Denied in heaven the Soul he held on earth –
While
man, vain insect! hopes to be forgiven,
And claims himself a sole
exclusive heaven.
Oh man! thou feeble tenant of an
hour,
Debased by slavery, or corrupt by power –
Who knows
thee well must quit thee with disgust,
Degraded mass of animated
dust!
Thy love is lust, thy
friendship all a cheat,
Thy tongue hypocrisy, thy words deceit!
By nature vile, ennobled but by
name,
Each kindred brute might bid thee blush for shame.
Ye,
who perchance behold this simple urn,
Pass on – it honors none
you wish to mourn.
To mark a friend’s remains these stones
arise;
I never knew but one – and here he lies.
Dogs
bark for all kinds of reasons. They may be alerting you to something
noteworthy; making a request (or a demand, depending on your point of
view); aggressively warding off (or confronting) prey, predator, or
interloper; communicating stress or discomfort; or engaging in play.
